Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
