Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
