ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
