i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
