he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
