i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
