Im at strip club and am horny
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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