So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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