Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
