My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
