Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
