i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
