His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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