yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
