True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
