Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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