just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
