So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
