take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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