We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
