I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
