so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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