did you get engaged???
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
