i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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