I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
