She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
