note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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