worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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