i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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