It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I believe in your delicious
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
