i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
