Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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