just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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