so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
