My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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