I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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