Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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