I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize