I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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