there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
