you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
