Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
