He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
