he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
