omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
