pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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