Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
