wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
