you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
