oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
