OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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