Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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